Joke of the Day

**s___s** · 02-01-2007, 06:31 AM

Joke of the Day

**Umshahd** · 02-03-2007, 08:52 AM

_MD_RE: Joke of the Day

**s___s** · 02-05-2007, 05:35 PM

Joke of the Day

This 80 year old woman was arrested for shop lifting.?? When she went before the judge he asked her, "What did you steal?"? She replied, "A can of peaches." The judge then asked her why she had stolen the can of peaches and she replied that she was hungry.?? The judge then asked her how many peaches were in the can. She replied 6. The judge then said, "I will then give you 6 days in jail." Before the judge could actually pronounce the punishment, the woman's husband spoke up and asked the judge if he could say something.? The judge said, "What is it?" The husband said, "She also stole a can of peas." <img alt=" " src="http://www.wataonline.net/site/uploads/smil3dbd4e5e7563a.gif" /><img alt=" " src="http://www.wataonline.net/site/uploads/smil3dbd4e4c2e742.gif" /><img alt=" " src="http://www.wataonline.net/site/uploads/smil3dbd4e5e7563a.gif" />

**Umshahd** · 02-06-2007, 07:47 AM

_MD_RE: Joke of the Day

Great he didn’t say that she stole a kilo of rice.<img alt=" " src="http://www.wataonline.net/site/uploads/smil3dbd4e7853679.gif" /><img alt=" " src="http://www.wataonline.net/site/uploads/smil3dbd4e7853679.gif" /><img alt=" " src="http://www.wataonline.net/site/uploads/smil3dbd4e7853679.gif" />

**Umshahd** · 02-12-2007, 09:21 PM

_MD_RE: Joke of the Day

Him and HerA man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.A successful woman is one who can find such a man.Married men lived longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.Any married man should forget his mistakes - there's no use in two people remembering the same thing. <img alt=" " src="http://www.wataonline.net/site/uploads/smil3dbd4e4c2e742.gif" /><img alt=" " src="http://www.wataonline.net/site/uploads/smil3dbd4e4c2e742.gif" /><img alt=" " src="http://www.wataonline.net/site/uploads/smil3dbd4e4c2e742.gif" /><img alt=" " src="http://www.wataonline.net/site/uploads/smil3dbd4e4c2e742.gif" /><img alt=" " src="http://www.wataonline.net/site/uploads/smil3dbd4e4c2e742.gif" /><img alt=" " src="http://www.wataonline.net/site/uploads/smil3dbd4e4c2e742.gif" /><img alt=" " src="http://www.wataonline.net/site/uploads/smil3dbd4e4c2e742.gif" /><img alt=" " src="http://www.wataonline.net/site/uploads/smil3dbd4e4c2e742.gif" /><img alt=" " src="http://www.wataonline.net/site/uploads/smil3dbd4e4c2e742.gif" /><img alt=" " src="http://www.wataonline.net/site/uploads/smil3dbd4e4c2e742.gif" /><img alt=" " src="http://www.wataonline.net/site/uploads/smil3dbd4e4c2e742.gif" />

**tarck** · 02-13-2008, 08:09 AM

_MD_RE: Joke of the Day

These are excuse notes from parents (with their original spelling) collected by schools from all over the country:

1) My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.

2) Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.

3) Dear School: Please exscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29,30, 31, 32, and also 33.

4) Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.

5) Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.

6) John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.

7) Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.

8) Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.

9) Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.

10) Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.

11) Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had (diahre) (dyrea) (direathe) the runs. [words in ()'s were crossed out.]

12) Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and under the doctor.

13) Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.

14) Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.

15) I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I don't know what size she wears.

16) Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.

17) Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.

18) My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the Marines.

19) Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.

20) Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.

21) Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.

22) Please excuse little Jimmy for not being in school yesterday. His father is gone and I could not get him ready because I was in bed with the doctor.

**tarck** · 02-13-2008, 08:16 AM

Poor women

A man came home from work one day to find his wife sitting on the front porch with her bags packed.

He asked her where she was going and she replied, "I'm going to Las Vegas."

He asked her why she was going.

She told him, "I just found out that as a woman I can make $400 a night doing what I give you for free."

He went into the house, packed his bags and returned to the porch.

His wife said, "And just where do you think you are going?"

"I''m going too!" he replied.

"Why?" she asked.

"I want to see how you are going to live on $800 a year!"

**tarck** · 02-13-2008, 08:23 AM

_MD_RE: Joke of the Day

A guy is down on his luck. He takes his last $500 and goes to Las Vegas.
Overnight, he has a fantastic run of luck. He stumbles out of the casino
and finds a pay phone. He calls his wife and says, "Honey, pack your bags.
I just won over a million dollars in Vegas."
His wife say, "That's wonderful. What should I pack for...Europe, the Carribean?"
He says, "I don't care, just be gone when I get home."

**tarck** · 02-13-2008, 08:26 AM

_MD_RE: Joke of the Day

One day our professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept. A
pre-med student rudely interrupted to ask "Why do we have to learn this
stuff?"
"To save lives." the professor responded quickly and continued the
lecture.
A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again. "So how does physics
save lives?" he persisted.
"It keeps the ignoramuses out of medical school," replied the professor. :hammer: :lol:

**tarck** · 02-13-2008, 08:30 AM

_MD_RE: Joke of the Day

Have you ever wondered why you wonder why?
I used to wonder why, but now I don't wonder why I wonder why.
I wonder why I don't wonder why anymore?

**tarck** · 02-13-2008, 09:06 AM

_MD_RE: Joke of the Day

A man was wandering around a fairground and he happened to see a
fortune-teller's tent. Thinking it would be good for a laugh, he
went inside and sat down. "Ah....." said the woman as she gazed
into her crystal ball. "I see you are the father of two children."
"That's what you think," said the man scornfully. "I'm the father
of THREE children." The woman grinned and said, "That's what YOU
think."

**tarck** · 02-13-2008, 09:35 AM

blonde jokes

A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor.
The doctor asked her what had happened to her
ears and she answered, "I was ironing a shirt
and the phone rang - but instead of picking up
the phone I accidentally picked up the iron
and stuck it to my ear."
"Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief.
"But. what happened to your other ear?"
"The son of a bitch called back."

int: :hammer: ;-) :lol: 8-)

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Why does a blonde have curtains on her PC?

To open windows

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What do you call a brunette between two blondes?

Translator.

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How can you tell if a FAX was sent by a blonde?

It has a stamp on it.

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A political man to a woman, "You look beautiful today!!!!"
The woman replied, "Thanks, but unfortunately I could not say the same about you."
"Sure you could!!" said the political man, "if you could lie as well as I do!" :hammer: :hammer: :hammer:

**s___s** · 07-23-2008, 02:33 PM

Joke of the day

Women are like an internet virus: they enter your life, scan your pockets, transfer money, edit your mind, download their problems and delete your smile <img alt=" " src="http://www.wataonline.net/site/uploads/smil3dbd4e5e7563a.gif" /><img alt=" " src="http://www.wataonline.net/site/uploads/smil3dbd4e4c2e742.gif" /><img alt=" " src="http://www.wataonline.net/site/uploads/smil3dbd4e5e7563a.gif" />

Joke of the Day

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إحصائيات Arabic Translators International _ الجمعية الدولية لمترجمي العربية